By Nic and Dani Bovee
Thank you all for being here, and for your prayers and support. It's been such an incredible blessing to experience the love from all of you during the worst thing Dani and I have ever gone through.
I'm a very proud father. My son is perfect, and I'm so thankful that I got to feel his touch, and see his precious figure while he was with us on earth. When tragedies like this happen, the first question we want to ask is "why". This question is probably one of the first things Charles Thomas would have asked me, had he lived long enough, and just like so many other parents in the world, I would have done my very best to answer his question. I only became a dad a few days ago, but it seems to me, as parents, answering questions is one of the biggest responsibilities we have to our children. We try to give them the tools the need to take in the world around them, and piece together the story about what the world means to them, and part that they play in it.
We raise our children to grow up and start to answer their own questions, and build certainty about this world. The religion of what they hold to be truth. The beliefs that they believe in. The certainty that they feel certain of. All of these things act as the much needed barrier that shields our fragile human emotions from the harsh reality of the world that we believe we exist in. We take are experiences, and questions, and do our best to build a comfortable little ball around our hearts.
This reality is nice until a question comes along that pokes a hole so wide, we feel like there's no hope in ever repairing that part of our world. This brings us to the question that we all want to answer:
Why did our son die? Why was his time so short? What did we do wrong?
Questions like these remind us that we are still children with so much left to learn. When I ask these questions I feel myself wanting to answer them however I can. I want to blame someone, or something. Blame god, blame the doctors, blame myself. Searching for a reason, or an answer. For a mortal human being such as myself, it seems like there are no answers to these questions.
Right now, I find myself picking up the pieces of my world, and feel the harsh rays of uncertainty beaming down through me. It's in a season like this when my heart is fully exposed that I find myself leaning into my creator in anyway that I can.
Charles was pure innoscence, and for me he was living proof that heaven was real, because there has to be a place for that kind of innosense to go after it has left this world.
When tragedies like this happen, we want to ask "why", and to me the goodness that I saw in Charles gave me my answer, and that is that there is good in all things if you'll allow yourself to step into the uncertainty, and experience life through the lens of a child.
For those of you who've read the story already, you may have heard the beutiful song that my Wife sang as she went into labor. I'd like to play it for you now, but first I want to read you the lyrics.
i First was the World as one great Cymbal made, Where Jarring Windes to infant Nature plaid. All Musick was a solitary sound, To hollow Rocks and murm'ring Fountains bound.
ii Jubal first made the wilder Notes agree; And Jubal tun'd Musicks Jubilee: He call'd the Ecchoes from their sullen Cell, And built the Organs City where they dwell.
iii Each sought a consort in that lovely place; And Virgin Trebles wed the manly Base. From whence the Progeny of numbers new Into harmonious Colonies withdrew.
iv Some to the Lute, some to the Viol went, And others chose the Cornet eloquent. These practising the Wind, and those the Wire, To sing Mens Triumphs, or in Heavens quire.
v Then Musick, the Mosaique of the Air, Did of all these a Solemn noise prepare: With which She gain'd the Empire of the Ear, Including all between the Earth and Sphear.
vi Victorious sounds! yet here your Homage do Unto a gentler Conqueror than you; Who though He flies the Musick of his praise, Would with you Heavens Hallelujahs raise.
Good evening- tonight is a unique night for a special boy with a divine story. We are so blessed by all of you and all that you’ve said and done for us these past couple of days. Our Community is everything. This is not something I ever thought I’d have to think about- who would? I’ve experienced so many blessings in my life. I’ve had no doubts that I am a blessed person. I look at the family I was born into and the family I married into, the people sitting in this church right now and most importantly this man standing by my side. To me- it’s all about the people in your life and I think I have the very best.
On Friday night, I got to meet the most special person in my life. Our son, Charles Thomas. Even though my heart is broken into a million pieces and I feel like my life will never be the same- I am overcome with gratitude for this journey I’ve been set on. I can’t believe what just happened to our family, but I can say with full certainty that I am one blessed mommy. Our son, Charles, was perfect in every way and brought out the absolute best version of Nic and I on the night we met him. It’s so hard to explain. Nic and I were going through the worst situation you can imagine and yet, Charles was living out his life purpose during that same time.
Even though we are processing our grief and probably will be for the rest of our days, I know that his life will be one of the most important 2 hours of my own life. He got to spend his whole entire life in my womb and in our arms feeling nothing but our pure love for him. He taught us so much about how precious life is and about God’s never failing love for us and about a deeper love than we’ve ever known- the love of a parent.
When I was pregnant with Charles, I was visited by a supernatural wind in my sleep at least five times. At first, it was scary for me because I knew that it was a presence that was not from this earth and it felt too intense for my frail body. As it continued to visit, I embraced it and wondered if it was angels visiting me and the baby. Looking back I now know that heaven was visiting me in my sleep and preparing me for a time such as this. The angels were with me when I gave birth so that they could gently carry our son’s spirit to the father. Whenever I feel the wind blow through my hair and refresh my lungs, I will think of our son and the powerful work he did on earth. I know that I will be discovering it for the rest of my life, and I am grateful.
When I was growing up, my dad would put on an album by the Canadian songwriter, Bruce Cockburn and blast his music through the house. I loved hearing my dad sing and I quickly learned the songs on the album. One song, in particular, that has stuck with me is called, “child of the wind”. I have been singing it for years and it finally has full meaning in my life. Charles is a child of the wind and will be for the rest of his time. He is free and he is not bound by pain or suffering. I am certain that when the wind comes to carry me home someday, he will be there, welcoming me to heaven.
One thing that Nic and I feel so strongly about is that Charles had such an important life purpose and it was fulfilled in the 5 months he spent in the womb and 2 and a half hours that we got to spend with him in our arms. He is pure goodness. He causes you to see life through the lense that there is good in every situation. He made my wildest dream of becoming a mother come true. I’d like to sing this song in honor of our son, Charles Thomas Bovee. I love you.